The Stockdale Paradox

 

The Stockdale Paradox is named after admiral Jim Stockdale, a US military officer held captive for 8 years during the Vietnam War. He was tortured and never had much reason to believe he would survive the prison camp. And yet, as Stockdale told one journalist, he never lost faith during his ordeal: “I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

Then comes the paradox: While Stockdale had remarkable faith in the unknowable, he noted that it was always the least optimistic of his prison-mates who failed to make it out of there alive. “They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

They failed to confront the reality of their situation. They preferred the ostrich approach, sticking their heads in the sand and hoping for the difficulties to go away. That self-delusion might have made it easier on them in the short-term, but when they were eventually forced to face reality, they couldn’t handle it.

Jim Stockdale approached adversity with a very different mindset. He accepted the reality of his situation. He knew he was in inferno but he stepped up and did everything he could to lift his and other prisoners’ morale. He created a tapping code so they could communicate with each other and helped them deal with torture. His heroism was portrayed in “Missing in Action”, a movie with Chuck Norris.

Stockdale Paradox: You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties. And at the same time, you must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. Don’t lie to yourself for fear of short-term embarrassment or discomfort, because such deception will only come back to defeat you in the end. Always look at the broader picture 

Do you know that the Stockdale Paradox can be applied to eschatology as well? Matthew 24:13. Let me know your conclusion.

The Blessing of Being Blessed

 

“So, how’s work going? Pandemic anemic?” he asked scanning me from head to shoes.

“Definitely feeling blessed. Last year was the best year yet. And it looks like this year will be just as busy.” The words rolled off my tongue without a second thought. Like "how-do-you-do? I’m-fine-thank-you” or placing my usual order at Taco Bell: “A-seven-layer-burrito-please-no-sour-cream”... 

I’ve noticed a trend among Christians, myself included, and it troubles me. Our rote response to material windfalls is to call ourselves blessed. Like the “amen” at the end of a prayer.

- “This new car is such a blessing.”

- “The dress is expensive but I 've got a 50% discount, what a blessing”.

- “Finally closed on the house. Feeling blessed.”

- “Just got back from a mission trip, realizing how blessed we are here in this country.”

On the surface, the phrase seems harmless. Faithful even. Why wouldn’t I want to give God the glory for everything I have? Isn’t that the right thing to do? As I reflected on my “feeling blessed” comment, two thoughts came to mind.

First, when I say that my material fortune is the result of God’s blessing, it reduces The Almighty to some sort of wish-granting fairy who spends his days bestowing cars, mall sales and cash upon His followers. I can’t help but draw parallels to how I handed out sweets to my own kid when she followed my directions and chose to use the toilet rather than waste another diaper. But God is not a behavioral psychologist.

Second, calling myself blessed only because I still busy is just plain wrong. For starters, it can be offensive to the hundreds of millions of Christians in the world who live on less than $1 “blessing” per day. 

Nowhere in Scripture are we promised worldly ease in return for our pledge of faith. In fact, some of the most devout saints from the Bible died penniless, receiving a one-way ticket to prison or death. They are exceptions like Abraham, Job (oh, after such a trial) or David (hmm, good to be a king), but the rest of the heroes of faith are on the other end of the equation.

If we’re looking for the definition of blessing, Jesus spells it out clearly in Matthew 5: Blessed are the poor in spirit… blessed are those who mourn… who hunger and thirst after righteousness, etc. 

My blessing is this. I know a God who gives hope to the hopeless. I know a God who loves the unlovable. I know a God who comforts the sorrowful. And I know a God who sent His only Son to die for a sinner like me. THIS is the blessing, And for this blessing, may our response always be, “Lord, use me.”

 

 

Go and Languish No More

 

Talking about a collective trauma. A pandemic, civic unrest, increasing polarization, inflation. We have had a difficult couple of years.

I heard a word the other day to perfectly describe where many of us are today pandemic-2021 - languishing. We aren’t all in the deepest pits of depression but we are most certainly not thriving. We’re somewhere in between those and probably leaning more towards the depressed side of the equation. We’ve become indifferent.

We are collectively traumatized and it’s killing us because we’ve never been taught how to grieve together, how to lament together, or even how to really truly praise together. Psychologist Adam Grant is correct that we might not even notice that we are languishing:

“Part of the danger is that when you’re languishing, you might not notice the dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive. You don’t catch yourself slipping slowly into solitude; you’re indifferent to your indifference. When you can’t see your own suffering, you don’t seek help or even do much to help yourself”

All that trauma will go somewhere. That pain, frustration, and disappointment is going to find a landing spot. It may wreck marriages, it may destroy friendships. It may create discontent within church family. Trauma has a tendency to run away from healing, especially if we have not cultivated the discipline of lament. Those who are experts on dealing with trauma tell us that there are two big things that need to happen for healing:

I need to tell my story safely to another human.

I need to tell my story to God.

Can you think of a better place for this to happen than in our church? Is there a better story than the Gospel? We must be at the front of the line in listening to other people’s stories and pain and then hoping and helping to reframe our collective trauma which only Christ can understand it.

We need also to tell our stories. We need to give our vent to the Lord, sharing our frustrations. Our languishing hearts. We must cast all our cares upon Him. 

\Jesus heals every languishing heart. Mine and yours included.

Preaching to the Toes

 

I grew up in a context where the preacher was expected to “step on toes.” If you didn’t step on toes, you weren’t really preaching. However, I started to understand that stepping on toes was nothing more than behavior modification.

I found that it was easy, sometimes sinful, to step on toes - it allowed the preacher to get away with bitterness and anger towards his people because, after all, they needed their toes stepped on. So, preaching this way is became kind of a weekly scolding instead of a time of worship.

The results were distressing. Instead of addressing sin at the heart level and seeing true Spirit-empowered transformation, the outcome was a works-based outlook that resulted in people saying “I will try harder” or “I need to do better.” I think we need to stop “stepping on toes” and start addressing hearts. If I step on your toes when I preach without presenting Christ and Him crucified, I have aimed too low.

I must preach to the heart, not the toes. God looks beyond external behaviors and sees the internal condition of our hearts. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Mat. 6:21). When the heart finds Christ as its greatest treasure, the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors will soon be captured.

Yes, some are guilty of aiming for the toes just to see certain behaviors change, but others are guilty of aiming at the head only. Sermons should be filled with proper exegesis, doctrine, and truth. Yet, to have one’s head filled with facts does not equate to a love for Christ. And to have people adhere to a few moral standards does not either.

Only when the entire body is considered, from head to toes and especially the HEART, do people find Christ more glorious, satisfying, and beautiful than whatever else they are grasping onto.

So, when “preaching” using acts of service as well as words - from the pulpit, from our homes, work-place, school, gas station, grocery store,  etc. - stop stepping on toes. Start addressing to hearts.

My "It's Not Complicated" Mother

 

Question: What these four people, Bill/Melinda Gates and Justin/Carole Smith have in common?

Answer: They are all using the “it’s complicated” argument. The billionaires who are divorcing after long years of marriage because “it’s complicated”. And the churchgoer couple from the Chicago suburb who didn’t visit their mother (who lives less than an hour driving from their home) in three years now. Because they live a busy life and, of course, “it’s complicated”.   

Life can be busy, I agree. But the 5^th commandment is not complicated at all. There is a touching moment in Romans 16 that chokes me up nearly every time I think about it. Paul is sending his personal greeting to his friends in Rome.  He says, effectively, “Say hi to Rufus…and to his mother who was a mother to me.”  (v. 13)

We know who Rufus was - the son of Simon of Cyrene who carried the cross of Christ on the last leg of the Calvary ordeal. This means that Simon (probably) went home from that experience a changed man. And he shared the power of that moment with his wife who then, likely, shared it with her sons, Alexander and Rufus (Mark 15:21).

Are you not moved knowing that she and her sons heard from her husband about his close encounter with Jesus? And then, in a remarkable intersection of faith and providence, she shared it with Paul.

 Paul may have learned about the final moments of Jesus’ earthly life from the wife of the man who carried the Lord’s cross, Simon of Cyrene. She was like a mother to him. And he’s honoring her in his remarkable document-letter that is know part of God’s Holy Word.

 Her care and Christlike love toward Saul, the murderer-turned-missionary, should inspire us all. Without knowing who he would become, she was a mother to the most significant convert in the history of the church. Glory to God for mothers like her. For my mother, Olga and mother-in-law Vivian, for your mothers, soft or severe, living or dead, who’s influence is going to last forever.

 I’m sure, it was complicated for my mother to raise me. 

Very complicated. 

But she did it. 

Thank you, Lord, for my mother!      

 

Go and Psychoanalyze No More

 

Psychoanalyzing the Sermon on the Mount or the Parable of the Ten Bridesmaids? Jesus’ words may look difficult to put into practice, but they are not usually difficult to understand. 

If I am seeking out various theological interpretations of His instruction to love my enemy, it may not be because I am looking for a deeper knowledge of God. It is more likely because I don’t want to love the person who belittled my career, insulted my religion, stole my possessions or worse. Often, our theological discussions can become a way of sidestepping the things God is asking us to do.

There is another false motive that is perhaps even more devious. For some of us, the desire to obtain biblical knowledge is driven simply by a desire for knowing stuff, mere knowledge.

Allow me to explain: Some of us do not study the Scriptures for the purpose of knowing God. We study them for the purpose of knowing more. 

- We harbor a degree of superiority and pride in the fact that we are more knowledgeable than most.

- We seek to correct the interpretations of others, not to help them see God, but to establish our own authority. 

And if this is our motive, we are not likely to ever find God. “You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about Me, yet you refuse to come to Me to have life” (John 5:39-40).

It seems instead that God reveals Himself to the humble. “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because You have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children” (Mat. 11:25).

The study of Scripture is a journey, a narrow way every so often littered with some fine lines and gray areas that invites the community of believers, the Church, to know a transcendent yet immanent God. So, go... and psychoanalyze no more.

 

Seven Reasons Why I Send My Child to An Adventist School

1. THE TEACHERS WILL LOVE MY CHILD. Christian teachers don’t go into education to make money. They enter the profession because they have a passion for children and youth. They want to bond with them and help them become all they can be. They cherish their roles as surrogate parents and revel in every opportunity to lovingly guide their students’ character development. But more than this, Christian teachers send out the unmistakable message, “I try to love you the same way God does.”

So I am comforted by the thought that my child will be under the moment-by-moment influence of dedicated servants of the Lord who see each child as a candidate for immortal honors. Children catch that signal quickly and respond positively to it. This brand of nurturing and accepting love will liberate my child to learn and grow. Is the very essence of a Christian school, I want my child to be in the center of such arena.

2. THE BIBLE IS TAUGHT. Every year students take religion classes taught by teachers who are committed to biblical principles, using a well-conceived-religion curriculum that embraces the totality of human history and the plan of salvation. The Word of God is a superb educational resource because the Holy Spirit works through every page of it.

Only through God’s Word can they rightly comprehend the long-standing cosmic conflict between good and evil—and intelligently decide which side they are on. At all costs, my child must acquire this biblical grounding.

3. STUDENTS ARE INDUCTED INTO THE FAMILY OF GOD. I want my children to know that love and fellowship, they have experience in the Christian school extends outward to include their local Church family - a host of adults who win always “be there” for them. Young people need that back up. Indeed, I want them to want to join that important family when they reach the age of decision, so we can all rejoice together in their baptism and welcome them into their extended spiritual family.

Many psychologists are concerned that children and youth are living in three incongruent worlds—home, school, and congregation—each with its own values, lifestyle, and demands. This often causes confusion, depression, and loss of personal focus. So, to simplify their lives, young people jettison the home and the church, and the media-saturated peer group reigns. 

We can’t exactly call that apostasy insurance, but as a parent, I’m greatly impressed with the odds, and am willing to sacrifice to see that my children stay close to the Bible principles.

4. INSPIRATION IS THE DRIVING FORCE THERE. “Something better” is the watchword of true Christian education, and it is achieved through the combination of inspiration and information. Some call it “the hidden curriculum.” Every aspect of the Christian school’s program is calculated to make life’s highest ideals irresistible, to build Christian character. The classes, the assemblies, and the co-curricular activities—all will likely inspire children to aim high. Here’s where a Christian teacher is an incalculable treasure, for in this critical hero-worshiping developmental stage, children look for someone to help them form their value system and goals.

5. MY CHILD WILL GET A GOOD, SOUND EDUCATION THERE. The church’s professionals to ensure that it meets or exceeds secular guidelines have carefully engineered the Adventist K-l 2 curriculum. Today, many secular educators consider the Adventist curriculum a model of wholism and enrichment, and I feel privileged to have my children immersed in it. Adventist K-l2 teachers participate regularly in professional upgrading through workshops and in-service education. It’s comforting to know that my children’s teacher is not preparing them for tomorrow with yesterday’s tools. 

6. MY CHILD WILL BE REDEMPTIVELY DISCIPLINED. It is extremely important to me as a parent to know that when my child slips up (as will happen occasionally), a loving Christian teacher will treat him or her redemptively, not punitively. The teacher will endeavor to get my son or daughter to ponder the questions, “Why did I choose wrongly here? How should I deal with such a situation the next time around? What does this tell me about myself? What principles from God’s book will help me profit from this mistake?” That’s redemptive discipline. Its God’s way, built on agape love.

The Christian teacher returns a discipline mishap into a growth experience, a stepping-stone to better self-understanding and self-management. Christianity of a school than the way it treats students who run afoul of its rules. For this is a modeling of the character of God - a blending of justice and mercy. Discipline really means “making disciples,” and I want my child to attend a school that is doing just that.

7. THE ADVENTIST CULTURE IS WHOLESOME. Let’s talk about the popular culture. The influence of media, sex, violent video games, drinking, and partying are swamping schools—from junior high through university level. Conservative Christian parents are desperately looking for a safe, non-toxic place for their children—where innocence and wholesomeness are prized and order prevails.

And let’s talk about peer pressure. Most concerned parents instinctively understand that students probably learn more from one another about values and lifestyle than from their teachers, and that student leaders have an enormous influence. Granted, not every student in a Christian school is a modem Daniel or an Esther, but the preponderance of young people assembled there is treading the upward path.

When it’s all said and done, Adventist schools are all about wisdom (God’s wisdom), as opposed to the acquisition of mere human knowledge. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7). 

That’s the bottom line for Adventist education. It’s worth fighting to keep, and worth sacrificing for. It’s a gift from heaven that each of our children deserves.