Transactional Love

 

When I was a kid, it seemed the adults in my life - my teachers, church people, and, sadly, sometimes my parents - liked me more when I was good. I get it. Who wants bad behavior? I learned that if I could bring myself to sit still, stay quiet, and wait to pass notes when my teacher was at the chalkboard, everything went more smoothly.

We didn’t learn better behavior, just better tactics. When I hit the mark, I didn’t feel like such a nuisance. I felt like I was wanted. And I wanted to feel wanted. Who doesn’t?

That pressure to perform… It wasn’t intended this way, but these things confirm our biggest fears:

In this world that we are not loved for who we are but for what we do, how we act, how things appear.

We’re loved if we make life easier for the people around us. We are loved as long as we hide our mistakes. We are loved as long as we’re not an inconvenience. This is transactional love: we secure it as long as we hold up our end of the deal.

Here’s the thing: God said we are loved and belong because we were born. See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

God says it doesn’t matter whether we lose the game with a strikeout or hit it out of the park for the win - we are loved. He’s not keeping score in the game because in Christ He already secured the win for eternity.

God doesn’t want us to just behave better. He wants us to be transformed into His likeness. Now go and sin no more.

Question: What would change if you believed what God said about you?

Confirmation Bias

 

Confirmation Bias is the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories. My liberal acquaintances share and “amen” articles, videos, and memes that fit their pre-adopted left-leaning narratives. Conservatives share and “amen” articles, videos, and memes that fit their pre-adopted right-leaning mindset.

It’s so easy to fall into this “confirmation bias” thing. If something sounds true (meaning, it seems to fit what we already believe) we accept it as true without corroborating. It is the widespread epidemic of confirmation bias that has given us the “fake news” problem.

What is the bias of all other biases? That “me” is the center of the universe. That my happiness is what is most important in life and that my preferences ought to be the law of the land. So, whatever fits this bias must be “true.” And whatever does not, is rejected.

Signs that even your Christian life has become hijacked by Confirmation-Bias:

-  When you hear a particularly challenging or convicting sermon, you think mainly of who else it ought to apply to: ”I really hope my spouse/ child/ friend…  is listening right now”, instead of how it might apply personally to you.

- You don’t pray much for God’s forgiveness, but mainly to get His blessings.

-  You constantly rehearse the failings of others in your mind and imagine dialogues with them in which you “put them in their place” and this way you “win.”

Remedy according to the Unbiased Holy Book:

1. Self-examination daily. Our biases are embedded in who we became, they felt “natural.” So we aren’t typically conscious that we’re doing these things. Paul tells Timothy to “keep a close watch on yourself” (1 Tim. 4:16).

2. Repent, taking up the cross daily (Luke 9:23)

3. Press the gospel reset button daily remembering that Christ’s mercies are new every morning for us (Lament. 3:22-23). This mercy is meant to be shared, not hoarded. How? Loving our unbiased God with all our heart/mind/soul and our biased neighbor as we love ourselves.