The Devil's Beatitudes

 
If the Devil were to write his own beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:

1.  Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians - they are my best workers!

2.  Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them.

3.  Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church - they are my missionaries. 

4.  Blessed are the troublemakers - they shall be called my children.

 5. Blessed are the complainers - I'm all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerism and mistakes - for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7.  Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church - for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8.  Blessed are those who gossip - for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

9.  Blessed are those who are easily offended - for they will soon get angry and quit. 

10. Blessed are those who do not give an offering to carry on God's work - for they are my helpers.

11.  Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister - for he shall be with me forever!

12.  Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself - I've got you too! 

[Source unknown... but I have my suspicions ]